Finding my Purpose.

I was asked a challenging question last week. “What is your purpose?”
To ponder and perhaps try to answer the question, I decide that a long walk is in order. It’s a sunny morning in an otherwise wet July so off I go.

Unemployed.

Strolling through parkland on a lush, green July morning is a privilege. As I wander, I overhear someone loudly sharing a story with a friend about their recent unemployment, a remote friend connected through wireless earbuds. “Unemployment has its benefits too,” he announces, as he, too, enjoys the freedom of the park while the world seemingly continues without him. Here is a person who is in a state of change in part of their life they call employment—a part of all of our lives. We usually use the word ‘Employment’ to refer directly to the part of our lives in which we exchange our time and skills for payment, also known as ‘our Job’. So when we lose our Job. We say that we are Unemployed. Finding a place to dig deeper, I sit, order a coffee and take a closer look at the word.

Employment: Derived from “employ” (itself from Middle French “employer,” from Latin “implic?” meaning “enfold, involve, be connected with”) – Wikipedia

The two states we are familiar with:

Employed: Engaged in a job for monetary compensation.
Unemployed: Not partaking in any job for monetary compensation.

To be employed means to be involved in something, connected, or implicated in something. It seems we are always employed, even when unemployed! The main difference is the income. So unsupprisingly, the first puzzle piece is Income. I make a note of that for later.

Retired.

Refreshed by my break, I continue my ramble, and almost immediately encounter a person who doesn’t exactly fit either of my definitions. He does not “partake in a job for monetary compensation,” but he’s not Unemployed.

As we chat, he relates a story of his life and his roots. It seems that overall, this person lives a fulfilling life. He shares that he is in his 80s and makes a joke saying, “This is where you say, ‘You don’t look it’.” He doesn’t look old; he radiates life and clearly possesses strong energy. Like many retirees of his generation, he is most likely after a 30-40 year spell in a job. That’s why he is not considered unemployed. An important difference between being unemployed and retired is that, as a participant in the system of this time, he has an income, a state pension.

Our conversation takes place on the street, and my friend, it seems, is in no hurry to be anywhere else. We are both where we need to be, so I consider; maybe it’s no longer necessary to complete 30-40 years in a job before retiring. Could a person halve that service time to 15-20 years and retire at 35-40? Yes, but, will I have a state-provided income, a pension? No. I look back at my notes— Income is a piece of the puzzle. The state of retirement holds other pieces of the puzzle. This gentleman’s retirement has given him the ability to amble through streets in the morning and explore, while knowing that there’s at least a small income to pay the bills.

Retired: Not partaking in a job for money, but having an income.

Retirement is interesting. If there’s any downside, it’s waiting until I am 70+. There are many unknowns, and should I pass such a milestone, then I might be feeling an ache or two in the knees. So I file away my learnings; my income learnings have been expanded to sustainable income, not connected to my activities I also add that I’ll never be younger than now. Our conversation comes to a natural end and I leave my friend, “I’ll see you around” he says.

Passion.

Now as I walk onward, I think of the lives of the retired, those “Not partaking in a job for money, but having an income.” What do they do? My thoughts turn to that generation a few decades older than I, they are committee members, community workers, grandparents… Some are even busier than they were when they had a job. There’s another word to note: “Busy.”

Recalling a term from the beginning of my walk, “Employment” – to involve oneself, to connect oneself. That’s where a lot of retirees are. There are large swathes of them involved in everything from church committees to town tidiers to yacht club commodores. They are very much involved and very much connected—very much employed, but not “Engaged in a job for monetary compensation.”

Why then do they do what they do?
If I ask them, and they’ll probably say it keeps them busy, gives them something to do, but I suspect it’s because they do it out of passion. Whatever passion is to them, maybe they just like to give, maybe they just like to walk, maybe they just like boats. I’m quite sure if I ask them about their “job” in “retirement,” they will appear employed but on a deeper level, a more involved, connected level. I contrast that with a person half their age in a “real” job. I visualize two individuals—one enjoying being busy with their passion, and the other being busy trying not to engage in their job because it’s just so damn boring, but they have to pay the bills.

That need for income, it’s not going away. But I realize it’s not the most important thing. Passion, I’ll add that to the list, because passion is a signpost to Purpose.

Content.

The weather is beautiful, warm humid, that bright light that’s only in July. It’s warm and I’m in need of a drink. I walk to one of my favourite places, a settlement that’s thousands of years old but still functions. We need more of those, I’m not sure I like these places to be museums. There’s the caretaker, with whom I’m aquainted. I’ll ambush him with a question. “Are there those that are 40, Employed in a Job, enjoy life, have a passion, follow it, and are conent?”
“I hope so” he says “If that’s you, good for you, you’re lucky! enjoy! If that’s not you then you’re seeking something.”
Very perceptive. I guess there must be content people out there, even with jobs. So that path through life is possible it seems. But it’s not the path I’m on, I don’t want content.

“Do you have a passion?” He fires back a question. “No, Yes, Sure, Maybe?” I reply with certainty. “Then take some action, try some stuff, it doesn’t have to be big stuff. Every wonder what it would be like to dig in your garden? Go dig a hole, see how you feel”. Dig a hole?
“Do you?” I return serve. “I love to fish in the sea, but I’m not very good at it, I mainly stick to the shallow water.” he says. “It looks like we both should go a little deeper into the ocean, eh?” I add, intending the pun. “Ha Ha” he adds a respectful laughs.

I lean back agains an ancient wall and sip my water. I imagine all those people who passionately, fish, surf, ski, run, write, draw whenever they can. I wonder if they do their jobs with the same energy. I suspect not. Just imagine a world where everyone applied the same energy to their job as they do to the thing that they are passionate about.
I decide I’ll take the advice, dig a hole in my garden, see how it feels, it seems Action is important so I add that on my list. Why dig a hole? There’s a nice double meaning there, it’s the fear of digging a methaphorical hole that keeps us tap tap tapping away at our desks, Keep the head down because “You gotta pay those bills.”

Passion: To direct your energy into something because of how it makes you feel.

Actions.

As the evening approaches, this thread continues to unwind, and the next day, I change my location to visit friends and family. This gives me another perspective and distance on my story, a zoom-out. I continue to ponder and pen my purpose.

I’ll start very small, pull a thread, something so small I cannot lose. I might find that I like it and want to walk deeper into the ocean, or I might just as quickly scratch an itch and move on. Even if I like it, doing it once will probably be fulfilling. Ever hear about the guy that tried out a boat trip once, it turns out he hated waves, who knew? He does, now. For someone else, it turns into a dream of sailing the seven seas. I’m sure that if I keep taking small actions, some things will resonate. Some action will register an ampersand on my energy receptors, give me a buzz. If I keep taking actions and pay attention to what rings my bell, I’ll soon narrow down my passion. If I get bored or tired of trying, I can always put my head down, tap, tap, tap, and wait for the end.

Borrowing from what I’ve learned from the retirees, I’ll have to take these actions with passion. If I don’t direct full energy into my actions, then what can I expect? What if for the next week, everything I do, I do with passion and energy? How would that change my week? Imagine if everyone did that for a week. Imagine airport security being fun because the jolly people running it joked with the passengers and were generally pleasant. Imagine that a visit to the doctor involved them being compassionate and considerate! What a world! There’s really something important here. I cannot expect these things if I’m not doing these things. I am sure that everyone wins. The person getting service gets a great experience, and the person giving service will feel a sense of fulfillment and accomplishment about their day’s work.

Dig your own hole.

It’s a particularly pleasant day in my garden. I take a spade from my shed, intent on digging a hole while being fully present in the task and doing it with energy and purpose. The first thing I realize is that I don’t want to leave a scar on the grass after I’m done. I visualize the outline of my excavation and diligently cut the edges of the shape with my spade. Triumphantly, I turn over a thin layer of turf and grass.

My second observation is that I’ll end up with a pile of clay on my grass. Intent on leaving no trace, I lay down a sheet next to the hole and pile the earth on top. As I empty my spade of earth on the tarpaulin and hear the rustle, I take a break and soak up the scene I’ve created. I take a sip of cool water in the hot sun and can’t help feeling a sort of connection. I lean on my spade, present in the scene, and a Robin lands by my side.

He looks at me, then boldly hops down into the hole, lifts a worm out of the soil and enjoys it. He flutters around and appears at ease with my presence. The whole experience, pun not intended, makes me feel connected and happy. I’m amazed; a simple action like digging a hole has delivered.

Not wasting time to fill it in, I simply tip the contents from the tarp back into the hole, pat down, and replace the grass sod. There’s barely a scar. I admire my work and feel fulfillment. I focused my energy on it, took action, and enjoyed it.

Income.

Not ignoring the elphant in the room, I recap my list and see Income mentioned a lot. If I take an action with the same passion and energy once a year, how much income would I need to pay the bills? Do I need a hundred million? Not at the moment. I start with 500 per week in mind. 500 per week is 2 thousand per month, or 6 thousand one time per quarter, or 12 thousand twice in a year. I could do one thing and get paid 24 thousand one time, that would be nice. That’s a simple target to keep in mind. There’s something I could do that would earn me 24 thousand for a day of doing and that is as easy and fulfilling as my garden experience. I smile at my realization. Often the world appears a bit crazy and random to me, and this time I’ll make use of that fact to my advantage.

I’m sure that there are people out there who get 24 thousand for turning up for an hour. When I think of all the famous and successful individuals, including sports stars, it seems like there are plenty of them who do. Maybe starting with 24 thousand for 1 hour is biting off too much, so let’s reverse engineer the number again. Could I collect 24 thousand for 1 week of effort? A one-time event for 1 week? What about two weeks at different points in the year, earning 12K for each? Now it’s sounding plausible. How about three two-week periods of intense, passion-filled, purpose-driven high energy, earning 8 thousand each time?
I’ll get to express my passion, collect 8 thousand each time, and by the third time, I’ll have learned a lot and have become more skilled at what I’m doing. So the next time, I’ll be able to do it again, earning 24 thousand in a single try.

I’ll begin by taking more small actions and pay close attention to my passions. I’ll focus my energy there and set aside my fears, knowing that the worst hole I could dig might still bring me the joy of a cheerful Robin. I don’t have to fail; failure, in this case, means not earning 8K at the end of trying. If that happens, then it’ll be an easy decision. Do I want to do it again? Did I learn enough to know how to make 8K the second time around? If the answer is yes, then I’ve found my purpose. If not, then I’ll continue taking actions until it’s clear that what I’m doing comes almost effortlessly. Once I reach that point, I’ll have confirmed my purpose.

Employed.

Excited by the prospects, I’ll come full circle. I’ll apply myself to action and follow my passion. I won’t overcomplicate it. I’ll do it with energy, passion, intensity, and fulfillment, I’ll not only pay my bills but also open the tap for more if I choose to. To everyone, I’ll appear employed, “engaged in a job for monetary compensation.” But I’ll also resemble a retiree, “not partaking in a job for money, but having an income.” No longer will I be confined to a job just to pay the bills. I’ll be pursuing my mission and getting paid for it. Is it a fantasy? I’ll never know unless I take the first microstep and go explore my passion by taking action.

Authors Note

I was recently asked what my purpose was. Well, I was stumped as I too am on this journey. But as I reflected today, through taking a day to do the things I love—walking, exploring, meeting people—I encountered the retired, the unemployed, the employed, the passionate, and it occurred to me that I’m passionate about stories.

How passionate? Well, this one just spewed out of me, and I can’t help but wonder if it’s any good. But what’s good? I decided to write this as if I was not publishing it, that can be decided later. By the time I had finished, I had decided that without a doubt, I’m publishing it. Why not?

My Purpose: Stories. Everything’s a story, and for some reason, I feel a connection to the stories I hear. I don’t know why exactly, that’s another day’s exploration. Ultimately, I think everyone’s passion is the thing that connects them to the universe. You can call this love, nature, or god, or simulation, or whatever you want, but the feeling of connection is the same.

The question I asked myself is how? It’s all very well saying to find your purpose, but I wanted a method, And this story is an exploration of that method. It began with a walk as most things do for me. To begin I had to feel worthy. We’re not worthy of this universe, planet, nature. And we are at the same time. We are a totally worthy creation of nature. We just need to Be worthy and feel worthy.

Nature is like traffic; you’re not in traffic, you are the traffic. You are nature.

Can I make an income like the retiree? Can I do something with stories a few times per year and make my burn rate? Well, now I’ve something to try. Go dig a hole or wade in deeper to your passion. I’ll see you on the other side.

My list of notes:

Income: It’s important to pay your bills. What’s your burn rate? How much money do you need per week?

Job: You don’t need to quit your job straight away. You can even keep your job if you want.

Unemployed: Not partaking in any job for monetary compensation. You’re always doing something, even if it’s sitting around watching TV. Or tapping your phone.

Employed: Engaged in a job for monetary compensation. If you’re bored and uninspired, then it’s not unlike watching TV.

Retired: Not partaking in a job for money, but having an income. Sounds good, but without purpose, you’re a listing ship. And you don’t need to wait a few decades.

Contentment: If it’s for you, great, but you only get one shot. I read once that contentment is the rust that sets on life.

Passion: Doing something with energy. Where focus goes, energy flows. Your passion will pull you towards it if you start by pushing in the right direction.

Action: Taking action is little pushes in the directions that you’re curious about. Like a fish on a rod, when you feel a pull, you know you’ve caught something.

Purpose: To direct your energy into something because of how it makes you feel. That feeling is one of connection and contribution.